so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
