I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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