guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
