My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize