when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
