So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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