I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
did i walk over a car last night?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
