he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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