not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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