I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
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she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
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could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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