Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
