Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
