when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
