I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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