my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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