Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
