what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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