Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize