swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
