Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
