My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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