I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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