the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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