We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
wanna go halves on a baby?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
