I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We had to coat check the pizza.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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