my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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