i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
