but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
