You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
