I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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