yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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