; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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