hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
