He uses pillows to masturbate.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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