I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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