YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
