she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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