porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
