you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
