drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
