Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I didn't shave. On purpose
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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