i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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