Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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