I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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