I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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