I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
