**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm eating all of the evidence.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
