I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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