You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We need to get me chipped asap
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
