Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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