hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
