Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
