Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i will never coherently bang her
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
