Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
