It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
