Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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