You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
