how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
