somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
