guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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