Will you blow on my dice?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
