i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
