My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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