Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
