I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
