am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
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Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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