Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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