I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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